The Natural Cause of Things.

Today is the last day of 2008. It has been super fast. I still remember the countdown at the pub - with sp, nic, kaitee, cyan, marvin, zhao, vin, audrey, and some. Today we're gonna countdown to 2009. 

Is it a good thing that time is passing so fast? In the world now, it is almost essential for people to keep busy all the time, is it true? If one is not busy, he/she may be said as being lazy, or that they are not successful, not working hard enough to be successful. I think that's rubbish, but sadly, that is how people are perceived now. It's so sad! :(

In any case, I have been trying really hard to find myself for the past 19 years. Now i still don't know who i am. Another sad thing! :(

That's why the concept for my pdp is "Who Am I? I am a human. I am a narrator. I am a baker. I am a traveller. I am a dreamer." I shan't elaborate on this, pretty tiring to explain things. (That's why i always seem to create miscommunication!) :(

Back to topic. As i said, its been really hard finding who i am. During primary school, Stefany was known as the tomboy. Yes, Tomboy!! Goodness haha. But I wasn't a tomboy in character, I was a tomboy in appearance. Had short curly hair, round-framed specs, chubby cheeks, protruding fanged teeth.. don't even try to imagine. I developed my first crush. He was well-liked by many girls (now you know im a typical girl), then primary school was soon over. He never knew about it. I carried the crush through to secondary school, even my secondary school friends knew! I have no idea how it went out. Come to think of it, I seem so devoted huh, haha. Embarrassing!  

But i had a really great friend. Kelyn was my best friend in primary school. I didn't know how we turned out to be best friends. I was the typical girl, a nobody in school. She was popular, rather rebellious, a little ah-lian. She was the first person to call me by my chinese name - Fany. I remember her saying in chinese, "Fany, if anybody bully you, just tell me ok! I will help you to fix him" Haha, that's how she is. Coincidentally, she developed the same crush as me too. We never really told each other, but then one day in the bus, she told me in chinese, "Fany, i know you like XXX. Don't worry, I won't snatch with you!" After she said that, I was flabbergasted. But there was no cat fights, no nothing. We just kept teasing each other from then on. Sadly, as fast as the fate has come for us, it was gone again. We went to different secondary schools. Somehow we didn't stay in contact much, and we matured. (That's the bad thing about maturity - people change.) Now we don't even contact each other. But she was engaged last year, and I'm so happy that she invited me. Wish you all the best, my best friend. :')

Now I'm going to make my first resolution for 2009. I have been taking in love from people around me all this while (yes, a spoiled brat i am), but only taking in, not giving out love. I think its time that i learn how to do that. An introvert, i don't know how to express myself. I don't wish to regret only after losing friendships and relationships. So, Stefany is going to be more loving in 2009. (ugh, sounds abit funny) and she shall continue embarking on the endless journey of finding herself. Go girl!